A Night I'll Never Forget

it was April 18, 2010, at 11:00 pm. i was walking back to bed from a bathroom trip and the next thing i knew, my Love was asking me if i was alright. He had been sleeping and apparently when i fell on the bed it woke Him up. i was having trouble breathing, and my chest felt like a horse was sitting on it. He grabbed the phone and called 911. As i lay there all i coud think of was that my father had had heart disease and several heart attacks before he died, and was i having a heart attack? it seemed like hours and yet it was only minutes before i heard the siren from the ambulance. apparently a fire truck or EMT unit responded as well. There in my bedroom stood 5 young men, ready to do whatever it took to get me ready to go to the hospital. they took my blood pressure and tried to start an IV (unsuccessfully almost all the way to the hospital). Then they told me they were going to put me on a backboard in order to carry me down our stairs and out to the waiting ambulance. i assured them that i was more than 150 pounds but they insisted that it didn't matter, that they could handle it. as i later learned if i had attempted to get up and walk i would have passed out again. i had the presence of mind to tell them what medications i had taken and gave the bottles to them so they could write them down. i think my years working in the medical field helped a lot. i remember they didn't cover me up and i had on a flannel nightgown, short in length, and it was really cold outside. When they finally got the doors on the ambulance closed and started down the road they covered me with a blanket and started doing the blood pressure and EKG thing with the hospital emergency room. i looked at the one who seemed to be the "boss" and asked him if i was having a heart attack. He said i wasn't, that i had a bad heart block.

almost a month prior to this i was experiencing dizziness and felt on the verge of passing out all the time and after lunch out with a friend she took me to the emergency room. i spent 4 hours in the trauma unit where they checked me for a heart attack and finally decided i was on some medication that i had been taking for a number of years that was now causing the AV Block in my heart. Diagnosis: stop the medication and it will be fine. well, it didn't get fine, it got worse...hence, the night of April 18th.

So there we were in the Trauma Unit again and they did all the same things as the first time around and after some time told me i was going to be moved to one of their "expensive" rooms...meaning ICU telemetry where they monitored my heart. The bed was soooooo comfortable and the nurses were the best i have ever encountered. they were in my room at least once ever hour the whole time i was there and one nurse sat with me for 3 hours, talking to keep my mind off how bad my back hurt because i had to lay flat for that period of time after the Heart Cath. about 4 am on the 19th my husband and if finally got a little sleep. He stayed with me at the hospital but my daughter went home to check on the dog and get some rest. she notified my other kids and they came in from Seattle the following day.

the dreaded Heart Cath was done .... i worked for cardiac surgeons in the lower 48 for several years and the unit next to us did the Heart Cath's and they sounded horrible. for me, i kept losing a heart beat and passing out so it was pretty traumatic. the reason behind the cath was to evaluate if i had any underlying heart disease and i didn't. so the plan was that i should receive a pacemaker.

the only thing i "knew" about pacemakers was that old people had them and that's about it. well, it isn't just old people, apparently...the procedure of installation is really quite simple...minor surgery with two wires going into the top and bottom of my heart attached to the pacemaker. The pacemaker (hereafter known as PM) is run by batteries and the PM is inserted just under the skin in my upper left chest. i have a whole list of things i can't be around (but the microwave is not one of them). for instance, i can't run a jackhammer...shucks!! i ALWAYS wanted to run a jackhammer and now i lost my chance! LOL can't use my battery-run toothbrush, can't have the cell phone or ipod within 12 inches of the PM, can't go through the regular security at the Federal Building or the airport, little things like that....and oh, yah...can't get the massage in the chair when i get a manicure. now that REALLY sucks!!!

what i CAN do is live my life. the PM is checked every 6 months and it should last me about 7 years and then they will have to put new batteries in it and i'll be good to go 7 more years...God/Goddess willing!! i'm the bionic woman...or the energizer mom...but i consider myself just plain lucky. You see people die all the time from a complete heart block like mine. Especially if they are alone and have no one to rouse them when the block happens. it happens to people of all ages, because we usually don't even know we have it until it's too late.

i needed to tell you this story, to tell you that life is fragile, that at a moment's notice it can change. Life is so short and tenuous that we need to be happy while we are here. to be unhappy is to waste the precious time we have. if there are problems in your life, do everything you can to fix them. if your life is not problematic then help someone who is suffering in some way. to love and be loved is the most important thing in our lives. it helps us realize our true selves and allows our souls to fly.

thank you to all my family and friends who were such wonderful supports through all this. but i must admit that i still have trouble sleeping in our bed because that night was so terrifying for me. when i have a ringing in my ears i become afraid because my ears rang something terrible that night. i came so close to death that it scared me something fierce. dying is one thing...the PROCESS of dying is totally another. i'm thankful for each and every day that i wake up and am reassured that my pacemaker is working...they say it is being used 65% of the time in my case....that's pretty significant to me.

janie